reviews_and_ramblings (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
reviews_and_ramblings) wrote2009-06-13 11:08 pm
reviews_and_ramblings) wrote2009-06-13 11:08 pm
A forced farewell
In this moment I'm wondering if people know how hurt they can do with a simple click. I lost a friend on LJ some days ago, he removed me from his friendlist without a word. As I said in a previous post, I know that my LJ can be "particular" (to be gentle) and so I tried to justify that act. But it still hurt, since I believed we were friend beyond LJ. He has my email, he could say a word before doing something like that, and instead nothing. I didn't write to him since I had done in the past, when I noticed some strange things happening, a "cold" in our emails or comments that I hadn't found before, but he said that no, nothing had changed and I thought maybe it was a language barrier.
When he removed me from his friendlist, I removed him from mine too, it's my rule, but I fed his blog... stupid me, I was thinking to at least leaving a link. Then this night he removed me from another social network, again without a word... and now I hear the message loud and clear. I removed him too, from that social network and also from the feeds of my LJ. I also removed the tag I had of him but I didn't remove the posts.
I have an idea why he did so, and this make me even more sad. I really believed him a friend. I have learned a lesson more tonight.
ETA: I also deleted my account on Twitter, the worst personal experiences I had in these last months are due to that social network. If you were friend of me there, you know where to find me, I didn't friend no one on Twitter that it was not my friend also on LJ.
When he removed me from his friendlist, I removed him from mine too, it's my rule, but I fed his blog... stupid me, I was thinking to at least leaving a link. Then this night he removed me from another social network, again without a word... and now I hear the message loud and clear. I removed him too, from that social network and also from the feeds of my LJ. I also removed the tag I had of him but I didn't remove the posts.
I have an idea why he did so, and this make me even more sad. I really believed him a friend. I have learned a lesson more tonight.
ETA: I also deleted my account on Twitter, the worst personal experiences I had in these last months are due to that social network. If you were friend of me there, you know where to find me, I didn't friend no one on Twitter that it was not my friend also on LJ.
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I had the same experience a few years back, when someone online I was so close to we spoke almost every day, cut me virtually dead. He had bad things going on in his own life that took him off the net for *all* his friends, but he still didn't see any need to explain to me, or trust me to understand. He would have received my sympathy and help, but as it is, we're nothing more now than polite acquaintances.
I believe it's in the the nature of virtual friendships. We all use the word 'friend', but of course for many of these people I have no idea *what* they're like in real life. I can connect in many ways when we have subjects in common, but they have so much else in their life that I'll never see or share.
And it's the same for them, in how they see *me*. I think I'm very open and clear and pleasant but I expect some people don't agree. I can't affect that, except to go on as I am in truth.
(sorry I'm going on about *I*, it's not because I'm trying to hijack this topic for ME, but because I don't want to sound like I'm pouncing on you if I use *you* LOL).
IMO, much of the pain comes from not knowing - that is, what the person is thinking, why they're upset, where they are, why they won't talk about it, at least privately. It's just like a physical relationship break-up. Someone mentioned 'rudeness' and I agree with that - but I also think it's cruel just to cut someone off without some private note at least.
If it's a true and trustful friendship, you can discuss anything that upsets you - maybe even agree to disagree. I've done that with other friends. But now I'm a little more careful in what I disclose and where I do it. I have a very small 'Trust' folder in my mind (see, I'm a computer geek even in my head LOL) where there are the few people whom I trust to have the same attitude to life, sense of humour and kindness towards people. IMO, that's what really matters, the core attitudes. We may not be daily friends for ever, but I hope I can trust them to let me know if not.
Gosh, I've gone on, sorry. There are such good things and sense in these other people's posts. I can't believe for a second you've done anything *wrong*. It's just that sometimes you have to accept a friend's moved on for reasons of their own, and although it hurts like hell, you eventually have to let go of that one, but enjoy other friendships that maybe have a sounder footing.
*more hugs*
no subject