reviews_and_ramblings (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
reviews_and_ramblings) wrote2006-12-20 11:45 pm
reviews_and_ramblings) wrote2006-12-20 11:45 pm
I'm thinking at you
You don't want words, so I write them in my LJ...
I don't love Christmas very much: Christmas reminds me of what I have lost forever. To my father was diagnosed cancer during the Christmas of 1991. He was operated some days before Christmas Eve and passed all the Christmas season in hospital. I was with him, as ever. I loved, love him so much. Christmas Season was my favourite time before. I went out with my father to buy the gift for my mother and then I went to the cinema with my daddy and then to the restaurant. He and I. Alone. Sometimes my mother said she was jelaous. The Christmas of 1991 I went to buy that gift alone. My father returned home some weeks after, but a few months after the doctors said he had maybe three, four months of life. But he was a strong man, and love his family so much. He wanted to live. He tried all. Ordinary medicine. Omeopathic medicine. Experimental medicine. He lived for three years. The last Christmas he wanted to make a big party for his friends. He wanted to cook and stayed together. But the Christmas Eve he was so weak, that we had to move the party to a friend's house. My mother cried that night. I was with him. As ever. My father loved the warm day of Springtime. In the last days, he was in bed, near the window and said to me: if I can live till the Spring, I can live another year. But the 17 of March, by night, he lost conscience. I was with him, by his side, with his hand in my hands. I prayed him to stay with me. When my mother was in the room, I stayed mute, but when she went out, I said to him: don't die, don't die, stay with me. I was so selfish. I stayed with him for one day, never let his side. And then my mother, my friends, my brother told me: go out for a moment, take a shower, we stay with him. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay with him. But I went out. And after few moments he died. He didn't want to die with me by his side. I knew it. But he stay with me every moment now. I feel him. Every time I have a problem I listen his voice. He was, he is the only person who always love me, without a doubt. He always think I'm a better person. That I can be a better person. That I can be everything I want, if I really want. I'm crying now, but is a good crying. Because I know I love him, and I know he love me. Forever.
Tonight I will think to my father and to a friend who love his parent as well. This love will last forever.
I don't love Christmas very much: Christmas reminds me of what I have lost forever. To my father was diagnosed cancer during the Christmas of 1991. He was operated some days before Christmas Eve and passed all the Christmas season in hospital. I was with him, as ever. I loved, love him so much. Christmas Season was my favourite time before. I went out with my father to buy the gift for my mother and then I went to the cinema with my daddy and then to the restaurant. He and I. Alone. Sometimes my mother said she was jelaous. The Christmas of 1991 I went to buy that gift alone. My father returned home some weeks after, but a few months after the doctors said he had maybe three, four months of life. But he was a strong man, and love his family so much. He wanted to live. He tried all. Ordinary medicine. Omeopathic medicine. Experimental medicine. He lived for three years. The last Christmas he wanted to make a big party for his friends. He wanted to cook and stayed together. But the Christmas Eve he was so weak, that we had to move the party to a friend's house. My mother cried that night. I was with him. As ever. My father loved the warm day of Springtime. In the last days, he was in bed, near the window and said to me: if I can live till the Spring, I can live another year. But the 17 of March, by night, he lost conscience. I was with him, by his side, with his hand in my hands. I prayed him to stay with me. When my mother was in the room, I stayed mute, but when she went out, I said to him: don't die, don't die, stay with me. I was so selfish. I stayed with him for one day, never let his side. And then my mother, my friends, my brother told me: go out for a moment, take a shower, we stay with him. I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay with him. But I went out. And after few moments he died. He didn't want to die with me by his side. I knew it. But he stay with me every moment now. I feel him. Every time I have a problem I listen his voice. He was, he is the only person who always love me, without a doubt. He always think I'm a better person. That I can be a better person. That I can be everything I want, if I really want. I'm crying now, but is a good crying. Because I know I love him, and I know he love me. Forever.
Tonight I will think to my father and to a friend who love his parent as well. This love will last forever.
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