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reviews_and_ramblings ([personal profile] reviews_and_ramblings) wrote2012-04-01 01:20 am

I have been overshadowed by my own creature...

... but that is what usually happens with your children, right? you need to let them grow, and there are even some breed of spiders who lets the babies eat the mommy to grow. Wow, what horrific parallelism, but that is not really wrong in my case ;-)

Why this late night (late night for me) thoughts? I realize browsing the net tonight that at least two big kerfuffles happened in the last few weeks and I was totally unaware of them, even if I'm in contact with many of the people involved. And it's not that I don't care for my online friends, or that I wouldn't have supported some of them, it's only that I really didn't know.

This livejournal is 5 years old going for 6. I'm still stubbornly using it, and maintaining it as a LiveJournal even if many of the reason why I picked this platform years ago are no more there. Most of my contacts are now on Facebook or Twitter, but I still love LJ and I think that, if not forced, I will never chance. Is that the reason why some of the hurricanes didn't reach this peaceful oasis? or is that since, the few time they tried to bring it here, the tsunami waves died like if they found on ocean of water? (water against water = no destroying effects)

When I was "social network" virgin, 6 years ago more or less, I was always trying to check what happened to my friends online life, and I always partecipated and shared their suffering. It was a second job, mostly done by night. To me having 40 or 50 comments was like heaven, it meant recognition, it meant you were important. But it meant also that you were an easy target, it was impossible that, of 50 comments, all of them were supportive, and strange as it is, I cared more for that 1 negative comment than the 49 positive ones. Another thing that always perplexed me was how people moved in flock, from one kerfuffle to another, and more or less they were always the same. After 1 year or 2 I was able to predict the migrations before they happened, I would have made money if it was possible to bet who would be the next to post and what was the argument. Truth be told, after 1 year or 2 I started to not care too much, and I started to "retire".

I have strict rules on this Livejournal, but since I tend to not manifest them, people tend to not contest them. Who reads me and my "reviews/ramblings" knows about them, the most commons are: I don't rate books, I don't review books I didn't like, I don't review heterosexual romances, I tend to prefer Gay Novels, but it happened I read and reviewed some Bisexual, Transgender and Lesbian novels (but I think the proportion is 95 against 5 if not less). But that is me, what I read and like, that is not the space I give to authors if they ask, or the event I promote or the child of above, the one that "ate" me, the Rainbow Awards. Rainbow Awards are all inclusive, and BTW I would love for Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender submissions to be at the same level of the Gay ones; year after year the spread is always less, but we are not yet to the same level (especially for the Bisexual and Transgender categories, and I really suffer when I have to merge them together due to the minimum submissions requirement).

I love the Rainbow Awards, but it's also true they take a lot of time, and so now I have little time to spare; I still read, less than before, I still review, with the same rules of above, but me, Elisa, is less on the center stage. Do I miss the spotlight I gave to the Rainbow Awards? Absolutely not. I'm now more free to do as I want, and sincerely no one in a long time have questioned what I'm doing... always talking as me as reviewer, many have questioned the Rainbow Awards, but since I'm very careful in managing them, they are acquiring an independence and a strong foundation that is difficult to shake.

There are still few comments on this Livejournal, but maybe this is due to the fact I decided to spread the effect on various venues, like Amazon, Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads. Just the other day I posted about Gordon Merrick, with a collection of his original Avon covers I spent a lot of time searching online... it was a "reshuffle" of a previous post, so I was not surprise to seeing no one commented. And then, by chance, I found out one of my facebook contacts had reposted the link and he received more than 20 comments, with people gushing over the old covers, commenting on the influence Merrick had on them, some comments even from a very, very popular author of Gay Romance, one of the untouchables. My first thought? well, they could have commented on the post NOT on the shared link... my second thought? well, I did good, people spent time reading and thinking about my post, does it matter I didn't know?

I post many bios on the people who influenced or are influencing the LGBT community. Most of them receive no comments, but I know people like them, since the few comments I received are from people telling me those are the posts they read each day, and they are opening my Livejournal to see what I posted today. There are even people thanking me since I'm not letting those people be forgotten, many of them died so young it's easy they could have been in a few years.

So no, I don't want to barter my freedom for a spotlight; maybe someone will think I'm weak, since I'm not stating my rights and fighting for them, but guys, I'm doing exactly what I want, like I want, and I have no need to fight for it... I think I made the right choice.

(Anonymous) 2012-04-02 02:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Ciao Elisa, I don't usually comment because a. I'm lazy b. as soon as I've re-read my comment, I don't think it adds so much, but I like reading the biographies you post and I like the relaxed and informed atmosphere of your journal. I also peruse your 100 gay books list and your lists on amazon where my first source of reference when I started to read m/m and I didn't know what I was doing, so, yes, GRAZIE MILLE.

[identity profile] maderr.livejournal.com 2012-03-31 11:26 pm (UTC)(link)
I think you're awesome. I love everything you post, and always look forward each day to what you're going to post. I think if anybody is doing everything right, it's you.

[identity profile] bodleian.livejournal.com 2012-03-31 11:30 pm (UTC)(link)
I love reading your journal and I often refer to it when choosing new books. I'm sorry that I don't comment further but I will make an effort to do so. We are friends over on Facebook but I tend to stay over here. It suits me. Thanks for doing this as I love it.

[identity profile] elisa-rolle.livejournal.com 2012-03-31 11:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you :-) But this is not one of my posts about, I want more comments LOL I did them sometime, but now I'm at a point where if they come I like if they don't I like the same. This was more a post to say, it's not that I don't care for what is happening around, it's only I decided to not being so much part of it, I like to life in the suburbs!

[identity profile] elisa-rolle.livejournal.com 2012-03-31 11:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I do wonder sometime if I did the right choice and it's in moment like this one that I think I did.

[identity profile] lovefujitez.livejournal.com 2012-03-31 11:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Elisa please keep up the great work you do! Thanks to your posts, I've learned about the worlds created by writers I never knew and I am ever so grateful! I am one of the silent readers benefiting from your hard work... I should leave comments more.... please don't think your work has gone unnoticed...

[identity profile] elisa-rolle.livejournal.com 2012-03-31 11:44 pm (UTC)(link)
again thank you, I will never say no to comments, but I want to assure you that now I KNOW you (and many others) are out there, and so I don't need to be overflowded by comments to know there are who is appreciating my LJ

[identity profile] cbpotts.livejournal.com 2012-03-31 11:58 pm (UTC)(link)
I read you in my quiet moments - it is here I find inspiration, and you have taught me so much about writers who have been and gone long before my generation. I'm always sure of a smile when I see your posts and your writing has gotten more beautiful as the years have gone on. Please don't go anywhere!

[identity profile] elisa-rolle.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 12:05 am (UTC)(link)
> and your writing has gotten more beautiful as the years have gone on

Cynthia, I think you are too generous in your comment, but thank you ;-) No, I'm not going anywhere, as I told, I like too much this place, and the good feelings and friends that it gifted me with

[identity profile] gaycrow.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 12:08 am (UTC)(link)
I hope you never leave Live Journal. I have Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads and Tumblr accounts (all in a different name), but I don't use them much. I struggle with all of them except Twitter. I just don't know how they work!

So LJ is my "home" and I would miss your interesting posts if you decided to move away.

It's disappointing that the 20 visitors to your journal via a link in Facebook didn't stop to share their thoughts. It would've been nice if the contact had left a note with the link, reminding people to post a couple of words to you in thanks. Maybe they might think to do that next time.

[identity profile] moniqee.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 12:09 am (UTC)(link)
I enjoy reading your LJ because it is different from most blogs I have come across. You enlighten me about the past and the present and you introduce to me many newbies and oldies whom I might not even known had it not been your LJ. The past would have remain buried had it not been for you opening up the can for your readers' appreciation and inspiration. If the dead could come back alive, I am sure they would have salute you for your hardwork in giving them their deserving credit. Thank you, Elisa.

[identity profile] harbor4t.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 12:14 am (UTC)(link)
honestly in the later years I visit LJ only for your blog
and I do so on a daily basis
only because I enjoy it so much.

Thank you!

[identity profile] elisa-rolle.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 12:14 am (UTC)(link)
It's not the first it happened actually, and probably I wouldn't have found about it if not for the fact the wall post was so popular it ended on my friends page on FB. I think I need to accept that, I cannot really monitoring the net, it's too big. The important thing is the net is big, and those people I remember, and the Rainbow Awards, have the right recognition.

[identity profile] elisa-rolle.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 12:17 am (UTC)(link)
that is almost a lyric moniqee thank you. You know, when I post about people with a long life I feel happy, when I post about who died too young I feel sad, I really care for all of them, so it's a nice metaphor to think maybe they know I still care for them

[identity profile] elisa-rolle.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
LOL I'm your anchor to LJ, that is an heavy weight you are putting on my shoulders (I'm joking here). Thank you for coming back then, I hope you will continue doing so.
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[identity profile] kirby-crow.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 12:31 am (UTC)(link)
I read every single post (yis!) but I don't comment on every one of them because that would be sort of scary. XD

But I just wanted you to know that I'm still here and I - and a LOT of other people - know how awesome you are.

<3 <3 <3

PS: my rule of thumb for comments: For every 1 comment I get, I assume 100 people have read it.

[identity profile] elisa-rolle.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 12:36 am (UTC)(link)
You know, sometime I think, this is a post where Kirby will comment, and usually you do (especially when it's about art). Usually I'm right on the spot.

And it's scaring the 1 to 100 rule, since there are posts in other blogs with hundreds of comments, if it means they have thousands of readings... that scares me LOL

Thank you for you continuos support, you, Cynthia, Jane, Jules, I know you are there and I appreaciate you for being there.

[identity profile] jan-irving.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 01:01 am (UTC)(link)
You are a bright light.

[identity profile] egret17.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 01:59 am (UTC)(link)
I never have much to say on review posts, because I don't tend to read reviews. The posts of yours I mostly read are those that feature the lives of prominent GLBTQ people... I should make more of an effort to comment, but so often my comment would just be about how many amazing people were lost to AIDS. :(

But I am always, continuously amazed at how much you do for this community.

[identity profile] norton-gale.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 02:18 am (UTC)(link)
I have little time for LJ these days, but I don't know what I would do without your blog, which I mostly follow on Facebook these days. I've discovered so many authors that way! I tell everyone I know who reads or writes gay-themed fiction that your LJ is a must-add. Thanks for sticking around!

[identity profile] janedavitt.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
There are a couple of kerfuffles going on right now in my bit of fandom (not the same as yours, though I know what you mean, I think) and a few years back, I would've been in the thick of them.

Now, after two days of mentally writing rebuttal posts in my head, I've deleted the links to the original posts that bothered me and I'm not going back to see if they've gotten around to criticizing me yet.

I just don't care.

That bothers me on one level -- when did I lose my passion? When did I become so out of step with fandom that I don't dare to speak up? -- But on another level I just think that I know how it will end -- badly -- so why go there?

I'm going to get back to my writing.

[identity profile] bethbetter.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 03:58 am (UTC)(link)
I read (or skim if I'm rushed) ALL of your posts every morning. I've learned a hell of a lot since I added your journal to my subscriptions list. Thanks so much for all you do.

[identity profile] tessanoil.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 04:26 am (UTC)(link)
Rainbow rewards is a very important part of your journal for me - I do check out the winners to order my next reads. But that is far from being everything that interest people like me in your posts. I read your lifejournal almost daily. This is where I get information about new releases, events in LGBT community, interesting facts/people I would have probably missed if not for you. And I am a guilty one not to leave comments most of the time. But that doesn't means I don't enjoy your posts.

Thank you so much!

[identity profile] elisa-rolle.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 07:20 am (UTC)(link)
thank you Jan, my light has dimmed, but I prefer to read a little on the shadow ;-)

[identity profile] elisa-rolle.livejournal.com 2012-04-01 07:27 am (UTC)(link)
Yes, I know there is not so much to comment, and I don't pretend to. But if someone has something to say, like for Merrick, people who felt like he was the first gay writer they had the chance to find in ordinary bookstore, then I would like to know. But the world is not perfect, so I will be satsfied that, in a way or the other, I had known.

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