I have been overshadowed by my own creature...

[reviews_and_ramblings]

... but that is what usually happens with your children, right? you need to let them grow, and there are even some breed of spiders who lets the babies eat the mommy to grow. Wow, what horrific parallelism, but that is not really wrong in my case ;-)

Why this late night (late night for me) thoughts? I realize browsing the net tonight that at least two big kerfuffles happened in the last few weeks and I was totally unaware of them, even if I'm in contact with many of the people involved. And it's not that I don't care for my online friends, or that I wouldn't have supported some of them, it's only that I really didn't know.

This livejournal is 5 years old going for 6. I'm still stubbornly using it, and maintaining it as a LiveJournal even if many of the reason why I picked this platform years ago are no more there. Most of my contacts are now on Facebook or Twitter, but I still love LJ and I think that, if not forced, I will never chance. Is that the reason why some of the hurricanes didn't reach this peaceful oasis? or is that since, the few time they tried to bring it here, the tsunami waves died like if they found on ocean of water? (water against water = no destroying effects)

When I was "social network" virgin, 6 years ago more or less, I was always trying to check what happened to my friends online life, and I always partecipated and shared their suffering. It was a second job, mostly done by night. To me having 40 or 50 comments was like heaven, it meant recognition, it meant you were important. But it meant also that you were an easy target, it was impossible that, of 50 comments, all of them were supportive, and strange as it is, I cared more for that 1 negative comment than the 49 positive ones. Another thing that always perplexed me was how people moved in flock, from one kerfuffle to another, and more or less they were always the same. After 1 year or 2 I was able to predict the migrations before they happened, I would have made money if it was possible to bet who would be the next to post and what was the argument. Truth be told, after 1 year or 2 I started to not care too much, and I started to "retire".

I have strict rules on this Livejournal, but since I tend to not manifest them, people tend to not contest them. Who reads me and my "reviews/ramblings" knows about them, the most commons are: I don't rate books, I don't review books I didn't like, I don't review heterosexual romances, I tend to prefer Gay Novels, but it happened I read and reviewed some Bisexual, Transgender and Lesbian novels (but I think the proportion is 95 against 5 if not less). But that is me, what I read and like, that is not the space I give to authors if they ask, or the event I promote or the child of above, the one that "ate" me, the Rainbow Awards. Rainbow Awards are all inclusive, and BTW I would love for Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender submissions to be at the same level of the Gay ones; year after year the spread is always less, but we are not yet to the same level (especially for the Bisexual and Transgender categories, and I really suffer when I have to merge them together due to the minimum submissions requirement).

I love the Rainbow Awards, but it's also true they take a lot of time, and so now I have little time to spare; I still read, less than before, I still review, with the same rules of above, but me, Elisa, is less on the center stage. Do I miss the spotlight I gave to the Rainbow Awards? Absolutely not. I'm now more free to do as I want, and sincerely no one in a long time have questioned what I'm doing... always talking as me as reviewer, many have questioned the Rainbow Awards, but since I'm very careful in managing them, they are acquiring an independence and a strong foundation that is difficult to shake.

There are still few comments on this Livejournal, but maybe this is due to the fact I decided to spread the effect on various venues, like Amazon, Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads. Just the other day I posted about Gordon Merrick, with a collection of his original Avon covers I spent a lot of time searching online... it was a "reshuffle" of a previous post, so I was not surprise to seeing no one commented. And then, by chance, I found out one of my facebook contacts had reposted the link and he received more than 20 comments, with people gushing over the old covers, commenting on the influence Merrick had on them, some comments even from a very, very popular author of Gay Romance, one of the untouchables. My first thought? well, they could have commented on the post NOT on the shared link... my second thought? well, I did good, people spent time reading and thinking about my post, does it matter I didn't know?

I post many bios on the people who influenced or are influencing the LGBT community. Most of them receive no comments, but I know people like them, since the few comments I received are from people telling me those are the posts they read each day, and they are opening my Livejournal to see what I posted today. There are even people thanking me since I'm not letting those people be forgotten, many of them died so young it's easy they could have been in a few years.

So no, I don't want to barter my freedom for a spotlight; maybe someone will think I'm weak, since I'm not stating my rights and fighting for them, but guys, I'm doing exactly what I want, like I want, and I have no need to fight for it... I think I made the right choice.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Ciao Elisa, I don't usually comment because a. I'm lazy b. as soon as I've re-read my comment, I don't think it adds so much, but I like reading the biographies you post and I like the relaxed and informed atmosphere of your journal. I also peruse your 100 gay books list and your lists on amazon where my first source of reference when I started to read m/m and I didn't know what I was doing, so, yes, GRAZIE MILLE.

[maderr.livejournal.com]

I think you're awesome. I love everything you post, and always look forward each day to what you're going to post. I think if anybody is doing everything right, it's you.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I do wonder sometime if I did the right choice and it's in moment like this one that I think I did.

[bodleian.livejournal.com]

I love reading your journal and I often refer to it when choosing new books. I'm sorry that I don't comment further but I will make an effort to do so. We are friends over on Facebook but I tend to stay over here. It suits me. Thanks for doing this as I love it.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you :-) But this is not one of my posts about, I want more comments LOL I did them sometime, but now I'm at a point where if they come I like if they don't I like the same. This was more a post to say, it's not that I don't care for what is happening around, it's only I decided to not being so much part of it, I like to life in the suburbs!

[lovefujitez.livejournal.com]

Elisa please keep up the great work you do! Thanks to your posts, I've learned about the worlds created by writers I never knew and I am ever so grateful! I am one of the silent readers benefiting from your hard work... I should leave comments more.... please don't think your work has gone unnoticed...

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

again thank you, I will never say no to comments, but I want to assure you that now I KNOW you (and many others) are out there, and so I don't need to be overflowded by comments to know there are who is appreciating my LJ

[cbpotts.livejournal.com]

I read you in my quiet moments - it is here I find inspiration, and you have taught me so much about writers who have been and gone long before my generation. I'm always sure of a smile when I see your posts and your writing has gotten more beautiful as the years have gone on. Please don't go anywhere!

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

> and your writing has gotten more beautiful as the years have gone on

Cynthia, I think you are too generous in your comment, but thank you ;-) No, I'm not going anywhere, as I told, I like too much this place, and the good feelings and friends that it gifted me with

[gaycrow.livejournal.com]

I hope you never leave Live Journal. I have Facebook, Twitter, Goodreads and Tumblr accounts (all in a different name), but I don't use them much. I struggle with all of them except Twitter. I just don't know how they work!

So LJ is my "home" and I would miss your interesting posts if you decided to move away.

It's disappointing that the 20 visitors to your journal via a link in Facebook didn't stop to share their thoughts. It would've been nice if the contact had left a note with the link, reminding people to post a couple of words to you in thanks. Maybe they might think to do that next time.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

It's not the first it happened actually, and probably I wouldn't have found about it if not for the fact the wall post was so popular it ended on my friends page on FB. I think I need to accept that, I cannot really monitoring the net, it's too big. The important thing is the net is big, and those people I remember, and the Rainbow Awards, have the right recognition.

[moniqee.livejournal.com]

I enjoy reading your LJ because it is different from most blogs I have come across. You enlighten me about the past and the present and you introduce to me many newbies and oldies whom I might not even known had it not been your LJ. The past would have remain buried had it not been for you opening up the can for your readers' appreciation and inspiration. If the dead could come back alive, I am sure they would have salute you for your hardwork in giving them their deserving credit. Thank you, Elisa.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

that is almost a lyric moniqee thank you. You know, when I post about people with a long life I feel happy, when I post about who died too young I feel sad, I really care for all of them, so it's a nice metaphor to think maybe they know I still care for them

[harbor4t.livejournal.com]

honestly in the later years I visit LJ only for your blog
and I do so on a daily basis
only because I enjoy it so much.

Thank you!

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

LOL I'm your anchor to LJ, that is an heavy weight you are putting on my shoulders (I'm joking here). Thank you for coming back then, I hope you will continue doing so.

[kirby-crow.livejournal.com]

I read every single post (yis!) but I don't comment on every one of them because that would be sort of scary. XD

But I just wanted you to know that I'm still here and I - and a LOT of other people - know how awesome you are.

<3 <3 <3

PS: my rule of thumb for comments: For every 1 comment I get, I assume 100 people have read it.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

You know, sometime I think, this is a post where Kirby will comment, and usually you do (especially when it's about art). Usually I'm right on the spot.

And it's scaring the 1 to 100 rule, since there are posts in other blogs with hundreds of comments, if it means they have thousands of readings... that scares me LOL

Thank you for you continuos support, you, Cynthia, Jane, Jules, I know you are there and I appreaciate you for being there.

[jan-irving.livejournal.com]

You are a bright light.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

thank you Jan, my light has dimmed, but I prefer to read a little on the shadow ;-)

[egret17.livejournal.com]

I never have much to say on review posts, because I don't tend to read reviews. The posts of yours I mostly read are those that feature the lives of prominent GLBTQ people... I should make more of an effort to comment, but so often my comment would just be about how many amazing people were lost to AIDS. :(

But I am always, continuously amazed at how much you do for this community.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Yes, I know there is not so much to comment, and I don't pretend to. But if someone has something to say, like for Merrick, people who felt like he was the first gay writer they had the chance to find in ordinary bookstore, then I would like to know. But the world is not perfect, so I will be satsfied that, in a way or the other, I had known.

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

I have little time for LJ these days, but I don't know what I would do without your blog, which I mostly follow on Facebook these days. I've discovered so many authors that way! I tell everyone I know who reads or writes gay-themed fiction that your LJ is a must-add. Thanks for sticking around!

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

And that is the reason why I partially moved on FB (but the strong part of me is still here). I know the majority of people are elsewhere, but that doesn't mean this livejournal is dead. Not at all!!!

[janedavitt.livejournal.com]

There are a couple of kerfuffles going on right now in my bit of fandom (not the same as yours, though I know what you mean, I think) and a few years back, I would've been in the thick of them.

Now, after two days of mentally writing rebuttal posts in my head, I've deleted the links to the original posts that bothered me and I'm not going back to see if they've gotten around to criticizing me yet.

I just don't care.

That bothers me on one level -- when did I lose my passion? When did I become so out of step with fandom that I don't dare to speak up? -- But on another level I just think that I know how it will end -- badly -- so why go there?

I'm going to get back to my writing.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

More or less is the same, I thought a lot before posting, but I also didn't want for people to think that I didn't care at all. It's only that I know it will end (or it has ended) badly, and sincerely I would have known from the beginning.

[bethbetter.livejournal.com]

I read (or skim if I'm rushed) ALL of your posts every morning. I've learned a hell of a lot since I added your journal to my subscriptions list. Thanks so much for all you do.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

You are welcome. In a way I'm very proud to have become almost a learning place, now I will not go so far to say I'm, not good enough to be, but at least a place that initiates the wish to search more that yes

[tessanoil.livejournal.com]

Rainbow rewards is a very important part of your journal for me - I do check out the winners to order my next reads. But that is far from being everything that interest people like me in your posts. I read your lifejournal almost daily. This is where I get information about new releases, events in LGBT community, interesting facts/people I would have probably missed if not for you. And I am a guilty one not to leave comments most of the time. But that doesn't means I don't enjoy your posts.

Thank you so much!

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Tessa, yes I know Rainbow Awards are not the only thing people is searching on this Journal, but I have to said, they are now like a shield behind which I have my little space, and they tend to shelter me ;-) In a good way!

[elena-62.livejournal.com]

Two big kerfuffles? Then I also missed one ;-).

I'm glad you feel relatively sheltered and I hope it stays this way.

Be well!

Antonella

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

two hints: plagiarism AND rights and duties of a reviewers. What of the two did you miss? ;-)

[chris-quinton.livejournal.com]

All I can do is echo what everyone has said above *g*. Our genres *need* you, Elisa, and value you, with or without the inspired creation of The Rainbow Awards.

These storms will blow over, and even though they cause a lot of damage and hurt, people heal, writers *have* to write - it's in our DNA - and sooner or later acceptance will spread right across the rainbow spectrum.

Thank you for evetything you do here, Elisa.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I hear both reasons really. I'm not so "stuck" to my likings to not consider the idea of reading out of the genre, maybe I will not like it so much like I love some good Gay Romance, but maybe I can be surprised. I actually loved some transgender sci-fi stories I read, so for sure I'm not against the idea to try and read them.

Great Job!

[mykola mick dementiuk (from livejournal.com)]

Just keep writing, you do a fantastic job. I read, sometimes I just look, but everyday we connect, without you I'd be forced to read Google news and you know what crap that can be. I love you, as many do also. Hugs XXX

Re: Great Job!

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Better than Google news? wow that is a huge compliment!

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

I hope you know I always look for your post even though I don't always get a chance to comment. You share wonderful pieces of information about the past and present!
Thank you!

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

yes, I know, and thank you for always being there

[chrysalis1975]

I know I echo all the other comments above, but I just wanted you to know, Ms. Elisa, that I value your hard work, dedication to your research and time spent posting, your fount of knowledge, your generosity in including others in your well-deserved spotlight (or non-tragic 'Day in the Sun'), and for staying around! I know I should comment more than I do---my only excuse is I check my LJ almost every morning before work, then don't have time to get to commenting, but I read your posts nearly everyday. I hope you have many more Days in the Sun, and continue to write on. I, for one, am becoming a more well-rounded reader because of it.

(PS: I'm still working on my books for RRA---SORRY!! Life got crazy for me the past 2 months, but I will get them to you! I am a woman of my word!)

Tame

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I know that Tame, and I don't mind if you are not able to comment, the important thing is you read ;-)

Thank you

[erik sopon (from livejournal.com)]

Thank you for your sharing. You are very inspiring and you' re really following the right footpath.

You made my day more beautiful and happy.

Re: Thank you

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank to you Erik, I think I remember you are one of my more recent new contacts through Facebook, and I'm glad that media allowed me to go out a little, it's nice to make more friends

[miho li (from livejournal.com)]

I'm new to this blog, but this is a great post. You're doing what you love, and you're not worrying about what others think. I have a soft spot for LJ too, even though I've changed enough over the years that my reasons for starting one (I keep it separate from this name) are not really there anymore. Still, I love LJ :)

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

thank Miho, this post was spurned by something happening outside, something that made many friends upset, and I really am taking sides on this since I have my opinion, always had, but it's not one that people want to hear. I once shared it with someone I believed a friend and it creates a break between us that is not easy to repair. So yes, I prefer to play on the sideline, but I think that even from there, I can reach the target ;-)

There's only one Elisa

[heidi cullinan (from livejournal.com)]

My husband frequently gets frustrated on the comments thing, but I always tell him I think at least ten times the people read who comment, maybe more. Commenting seems to have gone by the wayside for the most part. I get comments but usually on food posts or things that really motivate people to say anything.

I hate commenting, period, and it has to be something that really inspires me to say anything at all. I always read on my Google Reader, so commenting is this HUGE adventure that makes me click links and login, etc. Usually reading posts is a sort of brain-break for me and I just mindlessly skim and/or read, happy to not have to engage. I think there are more of us out there than we realize.

But never doubt that your blog is awesome. You always have something different to talk about, and it intrigues me even when I"m backlogged and can't read in the kind of detail I'd prefer. You've always got something to teach us, Elisa. You're a treasure and never believe differently.

Re: There's only one Elisa

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Heidi, thank you. I know you all know I'm more fragile than what I appear, and I suppose that is the reason why you are all so kind and supporting, but really this post was more to say, I'm fine with my choice, I don't mind to be off the stage, and I think that is what it suits me. Of course I LOVE to receive comments, and I will gladly accept all of them, good and bad, but I think that, even if they are few, I know they are worthy 100 times more. Sincerely, I wouldn't have been able to defend myself against the onslaught of being always under the spotlight, and I chose to give that spotlight to the Awards ;-)

[me-cuppa.livejournal.com]

Many thanks for your work. It's amazing how one can do so much. I rarely read lj now, but when I read your posts I enjoy them and learn a lot of interesting things from them. They are so heartfelt )) It's from one of your posts that I learnt about Richard Amory. Actually as I remember the post was about a book-cover artist. I later bought and read Amory's most well-known novel, and it influenced me a lot. (And I had never thought that browsing through old book-covers could be so engaging))I loved the recent post about George Tooker - sorry that I didn't comment.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Robert Bonfil is the cover artist for Amory, and yes, I did a post about him and his covers. Tooker was one of my favorite posts, glad you liked it.

[lee-rowan.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're here. I don't often comment because mostly I've been reading your gay biographies and there's seldom anything to say.

The reviewer thing - is that really a kerfuffle? I thought it was just one egotistical ninny who wanted her behind kissed. Shrug. You're right, things do tend to go in cycles. I doubt the plagiarism thing would have blown up so ferociously if the thief hadn't held a position of trust in a major writing organization.

I will say it here: I do not like Facebook. It's too scattered, too short-attention-span, and too exploitative. Twitter is good for action alerts, but I prefer to read prose that suggests the writer has thoughts that take more than ten seconds to read. My guess is that the Facebook commenters didn't say anything here because they couldn't be arsed to create LJ accounts.

Please don't change what you're doing. I'm sorry the Rainbows have eaten so much of your time, but I think your creating an alternative was a strong message to the exclusionary types at "that other award" who wanted to bar heterosexual writers.

What you have done with this little blog is amazing... and I keep sending people to your film section. I don't know of anyone else who's got such a great trove of happy endings!

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I tend to agree with you on the reviewer thing and my warning is, if you don't want to get questioned, don't post about it; I receive a lot of review requests for heterosexual romances and I always say no, thanks, I don't have time. I receive some requests from LB and T authors and I say, maybe, if I have time. Some decide to send it anyway, some don't, but no one ever questioned my answer. And truth be told, I didn't see the public lynching, at least not in the comments of the original post, maybe after that it degenerated (as usual). I think that was a sore spot, probably it was not the first time she was questioned about that and this time she wanted to be very clear.

I didn't know about the position of trust in a major writing organization of the writer, see? I'm really out of the circle. I thought about it, especially since the screenwriter of Shelter was supposed to release the novel with Alyson Books and it was stopped after the breakdown of the publisher. But probably the story is out there ready to be published.