A forced farewell

[reviews_and_ramblings]

In this moment I'm wondering if people know how hurt they can do with a simple click. I lost a friend on LJ some days ago, he removed me from his friendlist without a word. As I said in a previous post, I know that my LJ can be "particular" (to be gentle) and so I tried to justify that act. But it still hurt, since I believed we were friend beyond LJ. He has my email, he could say a word before doing something like that, and instead nothing. I didn't write to him since I had done in the past, when I noticed some strange things happening, a "cold" in our emails or comments that I hadn't found before, but he said that no, nothing had changed and I thought maybe it was a language barrier.

When he removed me from his friendlist, I removed him from mine too, it's my rule, but I fed his blog... stupid me, I was thinking to at least leaving a link. Then this night he removed me from another social network, again without a word... and now I hear the message loud and clear. I removed him too, from that social network and also from the feeds of my LJ. I also removed the tag I had of him but I didn't remove the posts.

I have an idea why he did so, and this make me even more sad. I really believed him a friend. I have learned a lesson more tonight.

ETA: I also deleted my account on Twitter, the worst personal experiences I had in these last months are due to that social network. If you were friend of me there, you know where to find me, I didn't friend no one on Twitter that it was not my friend also on LJ.

Comments

[cornflake2912.livejournal.com]

I am sorry for you and sad. But in LJ and in the internet it's impossible to trust people. Even if you think you are friends with someone, you can be hurt so badly.

Always good to keep a distance to your feelings for other internet users. It's a shame, but true.

Love.

Lesson learned

[(Anonymous)]

Well hopefully that lesson isn't to not be friends to people. I for one value your friendship. You seem like an incredible woman. Don't change who you are for any reason.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Yes, now I know. It hurt a lot since we had something, I believed, beyond a simple "friend" link on LJ, but probably it was only by my side. Elisa

[marquesate.livejournal.com]

Oh Elisa, I'm so sorry. I know how much this can hurt, and the worst is, when it happens without an explanation or without a proper talk. The dark side of the internet is that many (most?) people are prone to fall for the disinhibition effect. Meaning: things they would not do in a face to face situation they have no second thoughts doing via the medium of the internet. As if the person on the other end of the screen was not as emotionally involved or valid as someone is who sits in front of you.

Have a virtual hug, I know that isn't very much, but it's all I can do all the way from Scotland.

Re: Lesson learned

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you... are you really an anonymous friend or you forgot to sign the comment? Anyway, thank you. What I learned tonight is to not put my heart in the net, or at least not so much. Elisa

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I cried for that person in the past, I even worried. I believed he knew that, but probably it's not. Thank you for the virtual hugs, I need that. Elisa

[titheniel.livejournal.com]

Defriending without a word of explanation is always a rude thing to do, especially if you thought you were friends with this person beyond LJ. I'm sorry it had to happen to you, dear, but sometimes people are just not worth it. Not all of them, though. Don't let this stop you from forming beautiful friendships online -- I know I value them as much (or more) than my RL friends!

*hugs*

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I have more friend online of what I have in RL, but only few of them I consider real friend. He was one of them. Tonight is like losing someone near my heart. And what hurt more is that he even doesn't know it. Elisa

[lee-rowan.livejournal.com]

This happens more often on the Internet, but it goes on in real life sometimes, too. I've walked away from a few ... well, what I thought were friendships, but clearly weren't ... but not if the other person was willing to meet halfway, or even partway. But a clean break's usually better than a flame war.

Look at the number of folks who've defriended you.. and weigh that number against those of us who are still here. {hug}

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

The fact that I can't enjoy how many friends I have now in comparison to loose that one tells you how much it hurts. I'm not for a flame war, no one will or can know who is, if not me and him. I wrote a post some days ago to let him know that I understood (I believed to understand) his act. I'm writing now to let him know that NOW I received the message. It will die here. But for me he was not simple another online friend. Elisa

[yachay.livejournal.com]

I know we don't really know each other, but trust me when I say this, I feel for you. Something like this has happened to me more than a few times in the past, and it's never easy. Hopefully this won't happen again to you. And even tho it is wise to keep your heart safe, I hope you won't stop trying to make friends over the internet. Because there is a lot of people around, who would be lucky, and I believe most happy to have a friend like you.

[ashmedai.livejournal.com]

That always is a terrible thing to happen. I'm really sorry. :(

*hugs*

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I would like to be able to be wiser, and to not build fantasies in my head that are not real. It would have hurt the same, but maybe with a private email before doing such a thing I would have been the illusion that it was not only something by my side. Elisa

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

He was one of my oldest friend on LJ and I still can't believe he did such a thing. I'm waiting for something, a sign that it was all a misunderstanding, but I know it will not arrive. Thank you for the hugs, I need them. Elisa

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm very sorry hon. On one hand, I'd say to be more careful, but at the same time, I also don't want to see you block yourself off because it *is* possible to make some terrific friends online if you leave yourself open to it. I'm sorry he wasn't more honest with you about what was going on or why. I haven't known you long, but I would have to say right now that he's missing out on someone really cool.

*hugs*

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I know, I met some wonderful person online, and I'm really not able to be "closed" to people, it's not me. I'm really crying in this moment, and I know that it will hurt for long, but I also know that will pass. I will be able to remember the good thing and hopefully forget all the rest. Elisa

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear about this.

You deserve to be treated with more respect.

*Hugs*

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I don't know if I deserved something different, I only know that I already miss him. Elisa

forced farewell

[(Anonymous)]

Hey Elisa - Sorry about that hurt to you. You're such a sweet person. Easy as it is for me to say, definitely DON'T take it personally. Chances are this guy could have gotten involved with a really jealous girlfriend who spied on his e-mail and Internet activities, turned to him and said, "Elisa who? Get rid of her!" and he didn't have the inner strength to refuse. This kind of thing happens.

previous comment

[sedonia-guillon.livejournal.com]

Hi Elisa - that last comment was me, Sedonia. I had forgotten to sign in. Hugs

[kika-k.livejournal.com]

Auu. Cosa avevo scritto nel messaggio?
Mi spiace tu abbia avuto questa esperienza. Internet è piena di gente...strana e con la doppia faccia purtroppo.

*hugs*

Re: forced farewell

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I know so much that person that I can tell that this is not the reason, even if I would like to be. Removing me from LJ, from his friendlist, it could have been justify to my "passion" for pictures, sometime a bit too explicit... this was my first thought and for this reason I justified him the other day. Removing me from this other network tonight, that has no reason, only that he doesn't want me no more in his life. Fine, message received. It hurts, but all right. I lost you, but you will loose me. Elisa

Re: previous comment

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Sedonia. Elisa

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

E la sai la cosa ancora più dolorosa? lui è stato il motivo per cui io ho un account su LJ, ancora ricordo la notte in cui, cercando informazioni su di lui online, ho trovato il suo blog su LJ, e mi sono domandata cos'era e come funzionava... Elisa

Re: previous comment

[sedonia-guillon.livejournal.com]

No problem. I'm having a similar thing with a girlfriend of mine from very long ago. She doesn't answer my e-mails. I call her parents house and they never answer the phone or return my calls. It's very strange and I worry, what did I do to upset her? I just have to think it's her issue. If I upset her, then it's up to her to tell me what the matter is. People have their own reasons for things, painful as it is.