A personal post

[reviews_and_ramblings]

The last were not easy months for me. I often wonder if I should have say something, sometime I feel like my journal is not really mine, since it's not so personal. And when I had the spur of the moment to write something, soon after I always thought, maybe I will wait another week, maybe I will write when this will be all over. But it seems that week after week that "over" moment is always still a week after, and I also realized that I'm loosing point with all of you. So, in this night (for me it's night) between saturday and sunday, when LJ is mostly dead I will post, and maybe few of my friends will read this post, maybe only the one that are really important.

I know that I behaved in a strange way in the last few month, I was distracted and easily irritable. I was paranoic, sometime with reason and sometime not. I lost friends, since I was unable to reason with them in the right way. One in particular was pretty hard to loose since he knew what it was happening, but apparently it didn't matter to him. And I took with all heart things that I should let it go. Part of it it's me, as I always was and probably will, but part it was also due to some healthy issues I had. I found some nodules in my throat, and before any of you start to worry, don't worry, they are not malignant. But I didn't know at first, I went from doctor to doctor, and did test and test. Since the first test I took, they said not to worry, but the nodules were pretty big and I probably will have to go under surgery. And I hate, really hate hospital. Since the surgery is tricky, I will also have to stay in hospital for some days. I still have to do it, since I'm waiting for the umpteenth test, this time with the surgeon that eventually will operate on me.

The only good thing in all of this, is that I finally found out why I took so much weight in the last year... all right I'm not the most active people in the world (!), but really, I'm almost starving, I eat 1 meal at day, and a light meal, and still I gained weight year after year. The nodules don't go well with my thyroid, and it doesn't work as it should be. So till the surgery, and probably after that too, if I don't want to take too much drugs (and I don't want), I have to go under an intensive training to make the thyroid active and working. There is a chance that the surgeon, to avoid further operations in the future, will remove also the thyroid as well, and so I will be forced to take the drugs... hope not.

Why I wrote this post? since this time is nothing to worry, but if it was not? you know yes, that I will never leave you and my journal if not for a reason not depending from my will? So, sorry to all the friends I let down in the last months, I will try to catch up with all of you.

Comments

[addisonalbright.livejournal.com]

Elisa, I'm sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well and have had such a scary time, but happy to hear it's all curable, even if it will be difficult to go through. Best wishes to you hon.

Get better

[(Anonymous)]

Get better Elisa. We in America look forward to your trip here in the Fall. Please feel good ;)))

Mick

www.mykoladementiuk.com

[cboy-junkie.livejournal.com]

Dear Elisa,

I too am sorry that you are going through this but there is light at the end of the tunnel. This condition runs in my family and virtually all the women (including my mother) have gone through this surgery and they are all fine. The medication helps immensely, the weight does come off and you will not feel tired anymore.

While I don't often comment on your blog I do look forward to reading it everyday. And as you can see by the overwhelming response to your post there are many of us who hold you in high esteem and are grateful for all the work that you do in promoting gay romance and erotica.

Please take care of yourself first and foremost and do not worry we will be here when you return. I will keep you in my thoughts and wish for you a speedy recovery.

*big virtual hug*

[leeteng.livejournal.com]

Elisa, health comes first. Glad to know it is nothing malignant. You take good care of yourself. This may be public but reading your blog, commenting and responding do make us friends in a way. So please update us on your progress. Take heart!

[shiawmeimei.livejournal.com]

Hugs, sweetie! I'm glad to hear the nodules are benign. The not knowing is always scary! And surgery. I hope things get better soon!

[chrissymunder.livejournal.com]

I just want to send you my very best wishes as you go through this, Elisa.

[mongrelheart.livejournal.com]

Take care of yourself Elisa, and get well soon. I wish you all the best! *hugs*

[hpstrangelove.livejournal.com]

You've added so much to my life - I only have good thoughts and wishes for you. I hope it all gets better soon.

[kika-k.livejournal.com]

Hey!
Vedi che c'è tanta persone che sono con te! Saranno virtuali o forse no ma tutte ti augurano i migliori auguri ed anche io faccio lo stesso!
Anche io odio gli ospedali. Il solo andare li anche per altri motivi mi rende nervosissima e paranoica! Cmq io credo sia meglio che la tiroide vada..via. Meglio prendere pasticche per sempre che dover affrontare poi altre complicazioni.
Quindi un abbraccio forte forte e tornerai più bella e forte che mai qui.

ciao

[dakotaflint.livejournal.com]

You're such a vital part of this community, and we'll all be here for you if and when you have the time--the most important thing is to take care of yourself and get well. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you do that.

*hugs*

[emlynley.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry to hear about your health worries. Thankfully it's not malignant, but any surgery can be scary. I had one on my arm last year and it went just fine, but I still stressed. Take care of yourself, and don't worry about trying to keep up with the blog unless you are feeling well enough. We'll all be here waiting and thinking of you while you are away.

[vdiamond.livejournal.com]

Dear Elisa,
Here's warm wishes winging your way for an easy surgery, a quick recovery, and feeling normal soon! I've lost my thyroid to cancer so I have a sense of what you're facing; the meds are manageable if you do need them, and you'll be amazed at how much better you feel once the hormones are correctly stabilized. :) I'm sure it will all go smoothly for you.

Take care of yourself, and again, best wishes!
V

[bodleian.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to read about your health problems. I found you through Amazon and friended you as I wanted to read your reviews. I've found these to be very interesting, by the way.
I can understand about you not wanting to go on medication if you have to have your thyroid removed but I assure you that it is not the worse thing in the world. I have Graves disease and had to have my thyroid destroyed about 6 years ago. Once I had worked out my morning routine it hasn't been a problem. I did put on a lot of weight before this and have had difficulty taking it off but I'm getting there.
The one thing that I wasn't told is that not having a working thyroid puts you into a high risk group for osteoporosis. Therefore you need to do weight bearing exercise and increase your intake of calcium and vitamin D.
Do forgive the rambling but I certainly wish you well with your health and hope that it all works out.
I'm looking forward to continuing to read your journal.

[tamara-allen.livejournal.com]

Hi, Elisa. I missed your post earlier but wanted to tell you I'm so glad to hear it isn't more serious than it is. I spent five days in the hospital once and yes it is boring and they never let you sleep :) But take lots of books or your laptop. I know you'll get through just great and be glad once it is over with. And put some ice cream in your icebox! I know you're careful with eating, but your throat will thank you later. I hope it all turns out as easy and painless as possible for you. :hug: