A personal post

[reviews_and_ramblings]

The last were not easy months for me. I often wonder if I should have say something, sometime I feel like my journal is not really mine, since it's not so personal. And when I had the spur of the moment to write something, soon after I always thought, maybe I will wait another week, maybe I will write when this will be all over. But it seems that week after week that "over" moment is always still a week after, and I also realized that I'm loosing point with all of you. So, in this night (for me it's night) between saturday and sunday, when LJ is mostly dead I will post, and maybe few of my friends will read this post, maybe only the one that are really important.

I know that I behaved in a strange way in the last few month, I was distracted and easily irritable. I was paranoic, sometime with reason and sometime not. I lost friends, since I was unable to reason with them in the right way. One in particular was pretty hard to loose since he knew what it was happening, but apparently it didn't matter to him. And I took with all heart things that I should let it go. Part of it it's me, as I always was and probably will, but part it was also due to some healthy issues I had. I found some nodules in my throat, and before any of you start to worry, don't worry, they are not malignant. But I didn't know at first, I went from doctor to doctor, and did test and test. Since the first test I took, they said not to worry, but the nodules were pretty big and I probably will have to go under surgery. And I hate, really hate hospital. Since the surgery is tricky, I will also have to stay in hospital for some days. I still have to do it, since I'm waiting for the umpteenth test, this time with the surgeon that eventually will operate on me.

The only good thing in all of this, is that I finally found out why I took so much weight in the last year... all right I'm not the most active people in the world (!), but really, I'm almost starving, I eat 1 meal at day, and a light meal, and still I gained weight year after year. The nodules don't go well with my thyroid, and it doesn't work as it should be. So till the surgery, and probably after that too, if I don't want to take too much drugs (and I don't want), I have to go under an intensive training to make the thyroid active and working. There is a chance that the surgeon, to avoid further operations in the future, will remove also the thyroid as well, and so I will be forced to take the drugs... hope not.

Why I wrote this post? since this time is nothing to worry, but if it was not? you know yes, that I will never leave you and my journal if not for a reason not depending from my will? So, sorry to all the friends I let down in the last months, I will try to catch up with all of you.

Comments

[proserpina-kore.livejournal.com]

Oh, you poor thing - what a lot of stress for you! I do hope that your treatment is positive and does what it needs to. Having a very public and well-read journal does prove to be a curse in times like these (rather than a blessing!). The most important thing is to look after your health - the blogging world, and your real friends will be there when you are ready! Thanks for letting us know, and please look after yourself.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I will be here anyway, maybe not with the same level of presence. And when I will be in hospital probably I will not post ;-) Elisa

[treva2007.livejournal.com]

Absolutely take care of yourself first. It's better to miss you a little bit but know you'll be back.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I hope to have the chance to not going out too long. Elisa

[jans-intentions.livejournal.com]

It seems like some things the only thing to be done is to get it over with. But it sucks sometimes. I had throat surgery once. I'll be thinking of you.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Yes, probably is the best solution, even if I will really like to avoid the hospital. Elisa

[yachay.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to hear you had to go through tough months like these, and I wish all the luck for you in the surgery! I hope it will go really well and you don't have to stay in the hospital for too long. I hate hospitals as well.
I know you said there is nothing to worry, but I still do that anyway. Take care.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

No, I'm not worried for the surgery, I'm worried that I will go nuts. But I will cope ;-) Elisa

[semioticwarrior.livejournal.com]

Good grief, I had no idea. Wishing you the best of health, a very successful surgery, and a speedy recovery. Please take care of yourself. Wish you the best.

Jessica

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Jessica. I told only to two people not RL friends, so almost no one could know. Elisa

Wish you well

[(Anonymous)]

I want to wish you the best of luck, Elisa, and take care of yourself. That's more important than anything. Just know that we will be here when you feel well enough to come back. In the meantime, best wishes.

Re: Wish you well

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I hope to have not to go out for more than the week I will be in hospital. Elisa

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

An underactive thyroid can throw your entire body out of balance. I'm glad you finally got it diagnosed and will get treatment.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

It was crazy. I eat 1 light meal a day and 2 fruit. I drink all the water they said I had. And I gained weight despite all of that. It's not only a physical thing. I also was irritable. Hope all of this will change after the surgery. Elisa

[gweneiriol.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'm glad to hear the nodules aren't malignant and that your surgery will help get rid of them. I'm also sorry to hear you were so worried (which I find completely understandable btw) and I am doubly glad you can let that worry go and concentrate on getting better!

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I had a pretty bad experience in my family with cancer, so I was not really in the positive mood. But after all the test I took, I'm finally sure it's nothing to worry. Elisa

[snowmore.livejournal.com]

Elisa, I'm glad you told us. I'm so glad the lumps are not the worse case scenario. I had a concern last year of a lump in my breast, but I'm fine. It's bloody scary until you hear the results of tests.

I hope and trust your doctors will do the best for you.

*hugs*

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Trusting doctors is not my best feature, but here in Padua we have one of the best hospital in the world (it was founded more than 700 years ago), and also one of the best doctor in this pathology, so I'm in good hand. Elisa

[eroticjames.livejournal.com]

Take care of yourself. Get better and we'll be thinking good thoughts for you!

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I hope it will be all over in a month or so. Elisa

[diannefox.livejournal.com]

Take care of yourself, and know that we're thinking of you. *hugs*

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Dianne. Elisa

[abx-journal.livejournal.com]

I've been where you are and it's not easy. Take care of yourself and good luck with all that you're going through.

**hugs**

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I know it's nothing to worry, but it seems longer than what I initially thought. Elisa

[jordan-c-price.livejournal.com]

How scary, Elisa! I'm so pleased you're having the nodes removed. If it turns out you need to take the thyroid meds, it might help to think of them more like supplements than drugs. I'll bet you feel a whole lot more like yourself once this is all behind you!

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Yes, I hope so. The doctor at first preferred to avoid them since I'm young, but sincerely if they help me to be better, it doesn't matter. Elisa

[120cassie.livejournal.com]

Sending love & best wishes..

Look after yourself and take care..

Hugs
Julie

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Julie. Elisa

[princesslanie.livejournal.com]

please take care of you first, then worry about friends and all your reviews and blogs. i have hypo thyroid that means i gained a lot of weight until they figured out what was wrong. but now i can't lose the weight no matter what i do. i am on medicine it's really not that bad, one pill in the morning everyday it's better than how i would be if i didn't take it. hugs and take care of your self.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I started to do training even before the surgery. I already lost 2 kg, but I'm still 25 over my normal weight... I will try to loose how much weight I can before the surgery and then we will see. Elisa

[b-sheridan.livejournal.com]

*hugs* to you. Surgery is always a scary thing but I'm sure you'll feel so much better after everything has healed.

We'll all be here when you return and thinking of you will you get better.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Barbara. I will try to not let the journal if not for the day I will be in the hospital. Elisa

[teddypig.livejournal.com]

Take care of yourself Elisa. You do so much for everyone.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you D. I don't know if I do so much, but I do love to have my friends, so I would hate to disappoint them. Elisa

[ashmedai.livejournal.com]

I can only imagine what a stressful time this has been for you! As others have said, your health is most important, and I hope everything will be sorted out. I'm very glad it's nothing malignant! Please take care of yourself, and thanks for letting us know.

*hugs*

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Alex. I thought it was better to let my online friends know, since I behaved in a strange way in the last months, and it was not exactly me. Or maybe it was me, the crazy woman I try to hide ;-) Elisa

[misslucyjane]

I hope you feel better soon!

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Elisa

[auroraseldon.livejournal.com]

Elisa, I wish the best for you. Take care and rest, and have a big hug from Peru.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Aurora. It is always so strange to know that my journal arrive till Peru. Elisa

[nichem.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

So sorry you've had a stressful few months.

Hope everything goes well with your surgery.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you. The surgery is simple, I believe, but tricky, so it can be done in day hospital. I would have preferred in that way, but I will be patient. Elisa

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Kitty. Yes knowing is better. Elisa

[anahcrow.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. How miserable for you. I'm so glad you're not in any awful danger. Thyroid problems are such a pain, you feel so terrible, and you're not yourself at all, and I completely understand the frustration of the weight gain (for me it was a medication I had to take, but it is awful to watch the numbers go up). Thyroid condition (goiter) runs in my family, and I have been lucky not to get it, but my aunts have all had it. Best of luck with the surgery and rehab. If there's anything that would cheer you up, let us know. <3 *hugs*

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Anah. Yes, it's also a family thing for me, and for this reason the surgeon probably will remove also the thyroid, since if not the nodules will return again and they can operato so often in the throat. Elisa

[zoenichols.livejournal.com]

I doubt I am one of the important people but still, you have yet to disappoint me in any way, Elisa.

I'm so glad to know that you're okay. You'll find your way back to your own center of peace, you'll see.

*hug*

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Zoe. Every friend is important for me, and I'm still waiting to know if you will continue your YA series Gossip Girl style. Elisa

[lab-jazz.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry Elisa that your life has been on such a downer these last few months :(
Once you have your surgery and recover you'll feel better in yourself and everything else wont seem so bad
Big Hugs from Lyn

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Lyn. I hope so. Elisa