reviews_and_ramblings (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
reviews_and_ramblings) wrote2009-07-12 01:03 am
reviews_and_ramblings) wrote2009-07-12 01:03 am
A personal post
The last were not easy months for me. I often wonder if I should have say something, sometime I feel like my journal is not really mine, since it's not so personal. And when I had the spur of the moment to write something, soon after I always thought, maybe I will wait another week, maybe I will write when this will be all over. But it seems that week after week that "over" moment is always still a week after, and I also realized that I'm loosing point with all of you. So, in this night (for me it's night) between saturday and sunday, when LJ is mostly dead I will post, and maybe few of my friends will read this post, maybe only the one that are really important.
I know that I behaved in a strange way in the last few month, I was distracted and easily irritable. I was paranoic, sometime with reason and sometime not. I lost friends, since I was unable to reason with them in the right way. One in particular was pretty hard to loose since he knew what it was happening, but apparently it didn't matter to him. And I took with all heart things that I should let it go. Part of it it's me, as I always was and probably will, but part it was also due to some healthy issues I had. I found some nodules in my throat, and before any of you start to worry, don't worry, they are not malignant. But I didn't know at first, I went from doctor to doctor, and did test and test. Since the first test I took, they said not to worry, but the nodules were pretty big and I probably will have to go under surgery. And I hate, really hate hospital. Since the surgery is tricky, I will also have to stay in hospital for some days. I still have to do it, since I'm waiting for the umpteenth test, this time with the surgeon that eventually will operate on me.
The only good thing in all of this, is that I finally found out why I took so much weight in the last year... all right I'm not the most active people in the world (!), but really, I'm almost starving, I eat 1 meal at day, and a light meal, and still I gained weight year after year. The nodules don't go well with my thyroid, and it doesn't work as it should be. So till the surgery, and probably after that too, if I don't want to take too much drugs (and I don't want), I have to go under an intensive training to make the thyroid active and working. There is a chance that the surgeon, to avoid further operations in the future, will remove also the thyroid as well, and so I will be forced to take the drugs... hope not.
Why I wrote this post? since this time is nothing to worry, but if it was not? you know yes, that I will never leave you and my journal if not for a reason not depending from my will? So, sorry to all the friends I let down in the last months, I will try to catch up with all of you.
I know that I behaved in a strange way in the last few month, I was distracted and easily irritable. I was paranoic, sometime with reason and sometime not. I lost friends, since I was unable to reason with them in the right way. One in particular was pretty hard to loose since he knew what it was happening, but apparently it didn't matter to him. And I took with all heart things that I should let it go. Part of it it's me, as I always was and probably will, but part it was also due to some healthy issues I had. I found some nodules in my throat, and before any of you start to worry, don't worry, they are not malignant. But I didn't know at first, I went from doctor to doctor, and did test and test. Since the first test I took, they said not to worry, but the nodules were pretty big and I probably will have to go under surgery. And I hate, really hate hospital. Since the surgery is tricky, I will also have to stay in hospital for some days. I still have to do it, since I'm waiting for the umpteenth test, this time with the surgeon that eventually will operate on me.
The only good thing in all of this, is that I finally found out why I took so much weight in the last year... all right I'm not the most active people in the world (!), but really, I'm almost starving, I eat 1 meal at day, and a light meal, and still I gained weight year after year. The nodules don't go well with my thyroid, and it doesn't work as it should be. So till the surgery, and probably after that too, if I don't want to take too much drugs (and I don't want), I have to go under an intensive training to make the thyroid active and working. There is a chance that the surgeon, to avoid further operations in the future, will remove also the thyroid as well, and so I will be forced to take the drugs... hope not.
Why I wrote this post? since this time is nothing to worry, but if it was not? you know yes, that I will never leave you and my journal if not for a reason not depending from my will? So, sorry to all the friends I let down in the last months, I will try to catch up with all of you.
no subject
Your recent posts may have felt lacking to you, in sparkle or excitement, but I promise you that *I*, at least, have enjoyed every one.
That you were able to do that while going through such an emotional time is simply stunning to me, in the very best of ways.
You, my dear, are appreciated and adored by so many people, for your steadfast and consistent reviews of books and movies, for your photos of places around the world, for your interviews with all sorts of people within the GLBTQ world... for your wit and charisma, that comes across so well online... and for just being you.
It's wonderful that you've been able to keep doing everything involved with keeping your LJ going on a daily basis. And makes me want to hug you for doing so while keeping everything that's been going on to yourself (makes me want to smack you a little too, but that's just me. LOL).
Hopefully everything will go well from here on. I totally understand hating hospitals. Lord knows they're not my favorite place, either. But if they can take care of the problem and get you out again, healthy and feeling good and all that, then it's worth it.
Hey, on another subject, sort of... how does the affect your planned visit to the US? I'm still hoping to meet up for coffee when you're in DC, but if you're not able to make it, I completely understand.
Be well, hon'. *hugs*
~Tis
no subject