Note on my F-list

[reviews_and_ramblings]

I don't know if you have noticed that it's months that I don't friend people. It's a decision, I love my LJ, but I know that it can be obnoxious, and since people tend to friend back when you friend them (not always but often), I don't want to force anyone. I had a very bad experience with a person on LJ that friended me back as soon as I friended him (he was a writer and I wanted to follow his work); not only he also posted about me, to welcome him among his friends... to then defriended me after few hours. Reason? I wrote too much reviews and he was not interested... What? My LJ is entitled "My reviews and ramblings", what do you think it's about?

But if someone friends me, 99,99% of the time I friend him back. If you friend me, I hope you know what I'm like and about. And obviously, if you defriend me, I defriend you back... sorry, it's not a vengeance, it's simply that I have a very long friends list, and I prefer to read of people who read me back (or at least I hope they read me back). I have only one exception, a person I friended almost at the beginning of my life on LJ, he is a good writer, he is having some problem, and so I know he doesn't read his friends page. But then he post more or less every six months...

Other exceptions are the feeds, I have some blogs I feed, and obviously they can't friend me back. But to feed them is my choice.

At the beginning when someone I like very much defriended me, I always asked why, I hate to loose people I like. Sometime I noticed it was a general thing (journal who defriended all people), other time it was a mistake (it happened), and most of the time it was something I posted (too many pictures out of a LJ cut)... I tried to be sensible, but guys, this is my LJ, and I can't everytime think to 500 people and more. Some people don't like picture, or maybe have connection trouble, other people like them very much... I like them very much, and I'm not the only one.

So in the end, I believe that the rule, You friend me, I friend you is the best for all. If you defriend me, I don't ask, I defriend you back. I haven't anything against you, it's not a personal spite.

Comments

[shadownyc.livejournal.com]

Your LJ is just that, yours.

Part of friending someone is seeing their posts. (BTW--I enjoy your posts, but that's not the issue.)

If another doesn't want to see all your posts they can filter their friends page.

I, too, frequently friend people back unless their profile page leaves me concerned for one reason or another.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I don't use filter, but you are right, it's a possibility other than defriend. Actually, if someone defriend me and I haven't any relationship with him other than that "friend link", I don't think twice. It's when someone I consider a friend other than in LJ defriends me without saying even "hi", that time makes me wonder. But as I said, I don't ask anymore. Elisa

[marquesate.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much the way I do it, too.

I read all my entries on my flist, but with time constraints I hardly ever post comments. I do feel bad about that at times, but alas, what can one do, so I figure if anyone wants to defriend me because I don't comment, that's fine, too. I don't take it personally. I also don't post about myself at all anymore on LJ, it had become too public.

As you rightly said, it is *your* LJ, do with it what you like. :-)

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Same problem here, I don't comment so much, and sincerely, from my side, I don't open so much LJ-cut, so, if you post something nice, or even important, under a cut, 90% of the time I don't read it. This is the reason why I tend to not use so much LJ-cut. I have a limit, maximum 3 pics out of a cut, all the other under a cut. Text under a cut only if it's very long. These are my rules, if you don't like them, you are free to defriend me.

I arrived to this conclusion since I was tired to see other journals and/or blogs repost things I spent hours to find, and then I posted under a cut to not "offend" my f-list. Then someone else posted them, free of cut and without credit to me, and maybe people on my f-list commented on the other blog, wow, wonderful pics / video / ..., you are soo good to find them! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[luscious-words.livejournal.com]

I typically friend back if I see someone who's friended me shares interests. If they don't seem to have interests in common with me, I tend to hold off friending them right away. (Especially since I have had a rash of spambots friend me recently.)

As much as I love my friend's list and enjoy reading what everyone has going on, there are times when it is overwhelming to try to play catch-up on everyone. At those times, I tend to skim and make comments on those that call for a response. :)

As for the photos under a cut, I think you do a very nice job of putting the appropriate photos under a cut and not blowing up the friend's list with all sorts of photos. I appreciate how judicious you are in your LJ-cuts. Plus, the eye candy factor cannot be denied. :D

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you ;-) Glad to know that it can be said that I try to be "considerate". Elisa

[luscious-words.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. I think it's very safe to say you are considerate. And if you are unable to find a work-safe photo of eye candy, it's understandable. (And I just scroll by very quickly and make a mental note to ogle once at home. *wink*)

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Oh no, you can always find a work safe pic ;-) Today, for example, the one out of the lj-cut, it was not my favorite, but it was work safe. I put under the cut all the naked ones, even if for me it was a really artistic nakedness, but nevertheless, under the cut.

Maybe someone could object on the twin embrace... don't know. Elisa

[luscious-words.livejournal.com]

Meh on them if they object. :) The rest of us will enjoy the eye candy.

My thought is, if you don't like a certain photo, you can look at something else. It's the same principle as listening to the radio or watching TV...if you don't like what's on, change the channel or turn it off. Not too difficult. :)

[clarelondon.livejournal.com]

It's a good, sound policy. You are a generous, friendly person but you have every right to set the terms for your own journal.
*hugs*

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Elisa

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

Actually, that sounds perfectly reasonable to me. :-D

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I don't want to be to strict, but I have to set some limit. Elisa

[dreamilywistful.livejournal.com]

I think it's idiotic that people unfriend you because you write too much. It's your LJ! Sometimes I do wish that some people (NOT NOT NOT YOU) would use LJ-cuts more often, but you use them well - the point is to tantalize people to read underneath them and most of the time I end up reading the whole post anyway :)

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Vivian. I have some weekly appointment, like the Man Candy, where it's quite impossible to put everything under a cut... what is the point to have an eye candy post and not having the eye candy? Elisa

[lee-rowan.livejournal.com]

I wish LJ had found some other term than 'friends' list--'acquaintances,' maybe. I have come to know some LJ friends well enough to feel they really are friends, but I've also had a few 'friends' blow up in hissyfits in a way no genuine friend would.

I may friend someone because what they write is interesting, but I will probably un-friend them if they get into some interest that I don't share--anime, yaoi, etc--or if they get onto a rant that I find tiresome and insist that everyone on their friends-list adopt that issue as their top priority. "With me or against me" is not a friendly attitude, it's aggression.

And I'm nonplussed when I defriend someone and they write and demand to know why. I figure if someone defriends me, they aren't interested enough in what I have to say to read every post. I wish one could filter who one reads as well as who one's posts are visible to.

I've defriended a few people that I have as friends on my personal LJ, because getting the same posts in duplicate just doesn't make sense. But I don't friend everyone who friends me on this LJ. I'll usually go and look, but what it comes down to is I can spend all my time here, or I can spend some of it writing, and I assume that if someone reads my author LJ, they'd rather be reading a new book.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I adopted that rule since I know that mine is not exactly a "ordinary" LJ, and since I don't want to change it too much, I think that in that way I'm not forcing anyone to be my "friend". But still, when a longtime friend defriends me without even a note, well, it still upsets me a bit. But it's a necessary loss. Elisa

[lee-rowan.livejournal.com]

I don't see how you could read the LJs of everyone who reads yours. This is a lot more than the typical journal--it's really more of a review site.

[laurazel.livejournal.com]

Tesoro è la mia filosofia, la stessa identica... se mi addi ti addo, altrimenti niente... se mi cancelli ti cancello soprattutto perchè amo vedere il numero dei miei mutual friends identico a quello delle persone che listo come friends... questione di ordine! Oltretutto non vedo perchè tenere tra gli amici chi mi ha tolto dai suoi, voglio dire se lui non si fida/non ama quel che scrivo/è disinteressato, perchè dovrei essere io interessata/amare quel che scrive/fidarmi di lui? Non ho tempo da dedicare ai posts di uno che non mi degna di uno sguardo.
Si sono vendicativa e me ne vanto!
Troppe volte ho piegato la testa, almeno nel mio LJ comando io! ^^
Bacini fatti forza, la gente è un pò tutta fuori di testa! <3

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Con te posso dirlo senza problemi, tanto in italiano non mi capisce "quella" persona. Oggi mi ha tolto dalla sua lista di amici LA persona per cui avevo aperto questo LJ, nel senso che, per seguire il suo LJ ho aperto un account, e poi, per farci qualcosa con l'account ho iniziato a postare, ma se non fosse stato per quell'amico, magari adesso sarei su blogspot o qualche altro network. Quindi puoi capire quanto mi è dispiaciuto vederlo andare via senza neanche che mi dicesso "buh".

Lo ha fatto perchè ho postato tre foto senza il LJ-cut, lo so perchè spesso mi rompeva "l'anima" su quel punto, e se fosse stato solo quello lo avrei capito. Ma di recente questa persona ha iniziato a postare come ospite su un altro blog, un blog che se ne frega di decenza o quant'altro, posta decine di immagine di tutte le misure e contenuto... e lui ce l'ha nella lista di amici! Ma scusa mi rompi l'anima quando posto tre immagine "sicure" (magari alludono, ma niente più), e poi hai il feed su un blog che posta 20 immagini di uomini in posizioni compromettenti?

Non solo, più di una volta ha commentato dall'altra parte complimentandosi per alcune foto... foto che erano state clamorosamente prese dal mio Journal, visto che erano state postate pochi giorni dopo, e che se andavi a vedere le properties, avevano lo stesso nome delle mie (un bell'uso della funzione salva immagine come...).

Nonostante questo, mi spiace che se ne sia andato, recentemente avevo notato un raffreddamente dei rapporti, e avevo anche cercato di parlare privatamente. Per tutta risposta mi aveva detto che ero paranoica e di non preoccuparmi...

[ryan-field.livejournal.com]

I don't usually friend people on LJ, because I just figured out how to to do it (I'm bad with all this). So many of these things are confusing. So if I haven't friended someone on LJ, I hope they don't take it personally.

I do friend on facebook. I'm learning how to do facebook and it doesn't take much time. I'm learning twitter, too. But I did have a "friend" on facebook who recently de-friended me. He just knocked me off his list of friends for no reason. I wouldn't have known, except for the fact that I really enjoyed his facebook posts. And more than that, he was an editor I've worked with for a long time and I thought he liked me. I usually don't take it personally (I usually don't notice), but that one bothered me. And I don't even know why he de-friended me. I thought about e-mailing him and asking, but then decided not to bother.

Sorry if I vented too much. But it really does hurt feelings when someone they like takes them off a friends list. So much, for me, that I doubt I'll ever submit anything else to this editor again.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Same here, today I was defriended by a person I really like. It hurt a lot, and I pondered if writing privately to know the reason, we are not only friend on LJ, we exchanged also private emails. He wrote to me just last day... I know why he defriended me this morning, it was due to the man candy post and the three pics out of the LJ-cut... but sincerely I don't think that is a reason enough to do that.

[granamyr.livejournal.com]

Well, I like your reviews and man candy and covers and movie stuff, even if they're not reviews of my work. What did this guy expect, that you'd spend all your blog posts gushing over him?

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I think that most of the trouble was that my post are "obnoxious", and maybe I can use more LJ-cut, but one of the thing I like of my post is the layout and the pics... I really can't force me to put that under a cut. Elisa

[lab-jazz.livejournal.com]

I sometimes write personal stuff on my Journal so since I've made it 'friends only' I don't add 'strangers'.

I knew what your Journal entries were like before I friended you so I was well aware that you didn't use an LJ cut very much.

I do prefer people to use a cut, but it was my decision to friend you, and this is how your journal comes.

hugs, Lyn

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you Lyn, this comment it's really appreciated since it comes from one of those friends who add me despite all ;-) Hugs back, Elisa

[norton-gale.livejournal.com]

Don't even think about my defriending you. I can't imagine how I used to live without your LJ. ;)

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

Thank you ;-) It's nice to know. Elisa

[kopernik.livejournal.com]

I will echo what the earlier commenter said about how livejournal really, REALLY should have discarded the "friends" thing long ago. I've long since changed the terminology inside my head and call it my reading list, not my friends list. I tweak my reading list a few times a year, depending mostly on how much time I have to devote to livejournaling. I periodically mention it in my journal, so hopefully it isn't too huge a surprise when I remove someone. On the other hand, I've been delisted by people completely out of the blue, and I can't say I will ever be blasé about it, but eventually I get distracted by some other outrage and I (mostly) move on. Everybody's taste in reading material changes over time, I guess.

[elisa-rolle.livejournal.com]

I really think the problem was my use (or not use) of a LJ-cut... but as I said, it's a necessary loss, since I will not change my LJ. I set my limit, no more than 3 pics out of a cut, and only works safe pics... other than that, sorry, it's my LJ and I like it in this way.

I will try to adopt you philosophy and move on. Elisa