Excerpt Day: Horizons by Mickie B. Ashling

[reviews_and_ramblings]

Horizons by Mickie B. Ashling
Release Date: April 21, 2009
Publisher: Dreamspinner Press
ISBN: 978-1-935192-86-2
Publisher Link: http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/currenttitles/horizons/horizonsbuynow.htm

Amazon Kindle: Horizons

Amazon: Horizons

Blurb: Twenty-three-year-old Clark Stevens, a popular wide receiver with a potential NFL contract, has a few problems. He's got a jealous girlfriend, a narrow-minded and controlling father, an attention problem, and an unexpected and powerful attraction to the trauma doctor—the male trauma doctor—who treats him for a broken bone. Dr. Jody Williams is getting some really mixed signals. He can't ignore how much he wants Clark, because it's obvious Clark feels the same way. For the out and proud doctor, the solution seems very simple. For Clark, it's not! His world is not gay-friendly, and the obstacles he's faced have led him to deny his sexuality for years. It's the Super Bowl of disasters, no matter how you look at it. In the end, Clark has to decide if he's going to stick with the only life he's ever known or take a chance on a new one with Jody.

Excerpt:

It was almost two weeks before I saw him again.

I was back in the emergency room, sitting in the small cubicle I´d become very familiar with. "What are you doing here?" Jody asked, surprised to see me again.

I had hoped there would be another doctor on duty, but of course that hope died as soon as he walked in. "I had a fight with a wall and I lost."

"What?"

"Oh, forget about it! Just look at this and tell me it´s all good." I stuck my left hand out, practically shoving it in his face. The only reason I was here was because my coach happened to be around when I had my meltdown, and he insisted that I have it looked at.

Jody sighed deeply, and he reached out, "Let me see."

I reluctantly placed my hand in his, noticing how his eyes were a darker shade of caramel today and his face had that perfect five o´clock shadow, even though it was only three in the afternoon. He was even hotter than the last time I saw him. His mouth was rosy pink and I tried to imagine what it would be like to kiss him.

"Your knuckles look like ground beef. What did you hit again?"

"My locker."

"Why?"

"You´d never understand."

"Try me."

"It´s a school thing. I got a note from the English department and I kind of lost it."

"What did they want?"

"To tell me that I´m about to flunk a required class, and if I didn´t get my ass in gear, I may not fucking graduate, let alone play football!"

"I see."

"How could you possibly? You are a fucking genius that went to Stanford," I spat out, my voice starting to rise to a dangerous level.

"Clark," he said, putting his hand on my knee, "stop it."

I looked up at the ceiling, trying to get a grip, but I could feel myself spiraling again and the inevitable tears of frustration showing up. I swiped at them angrily. "I´m sorry."

"It´s okay," Jody said gently. "Why don´t we talk about this?"

"No!"

"Why not? How can I help if I don´t know what´s going on."

"You can´t do anything, Jody. I´m a fucking loser."

"Hey, come on now," Jody said, looking surprised by my words. "You´re Clark Stevens, football star. That doesn´t sound like loser to me."

"Maybe not in football, but I´m definitely a loser in other areas of my life."

"Tell me," he said, coaxing it out of me.

"I´ve got ADD, you know, attention deficit."

"I know what it is, Clark. It´s not the end of the world."

"It is, if you can´t pass a fucking English class!"

"Do you have a problem with reading or retention?"

"Both! The reading makes me sleepy so then I zone out and forget everything I´ve read. It´s always been an issue."

"There are drugs to help with this problem."

"I know, but my father never wanted me to take them."

"Why the hell not?"

"He said they´d stunt my growth."

"Bullshit!"

"He said they would make me stupider than I already am."

"Your father said this?" Jody was clearly shocked by that statement. "Where did he ever get that idea?"

"I´m not sure, probably from one of his friends."

"Didn´t your parents ever take you to see a legitimate doctor? He would have set them straight about the medication."

"They did, except the bottom line was my football career. My father didn´t want anything to affect it, and since this problem of mine never surfaced while I was playing football, he chose to ignore it, hoping it would go away."

"Oh, that was really brilliant on his part. Didn´t he realize it was only going to get worse?"

"No...he thought that if he screamed loud enough and pushed hard enough, I´d get my head out of my ass and pass my classes."

"I swear, some people should never become parents," Jody muttered under his breath.

"Hey," I said, reaching out to touch his arm. "He did what he thought was the right thing. I´ve made it this far, something I never thought I´d be able to do."

"You have a natural gift, Clark. Your father had nothing to do with it."

"If I´d gone on the drugs, I may not have developed to my full potential. Who knows?"

"You´re buying into his bullshit as well."

"Will you just patch me up and let me go?"

"What´s the point? You´ll be back here again after another temper tantrum."

I turned away from him and looked out the small window. The frustration was getting to me again, compounded by intense shame, made even worse by the hot tears that blinked out of my eyes.

"Clark, look at me." Jody cupped my face and wiped the tears away with his thumb, "I´m going to help you."

"How?" It seemed like an impossible task.

"I´ll tutor you."

"Really?"

"Yes...I´ll get you through this. I can´t believe he didn´t let you go on the meds."

"Don´t start again."

"I won´t. I´ll drop it for now, but this is not over."

"Thank you." I looked into his eyes, sure that I´d see pity or scorn. Instead, I only saw concern, which made me even more grateful.

"You´re welcome," he said softly. "Come to my house tomorrow night and bring your books. Let´s see if we can´t make this work."

I wrote down his address and we settled on eight o´clock. I left the hospital a much calmer man than when I had entered it.

**********

Jody stood at the entrance of the ER, watching Clark leave. He turned and went into his office and poured himself a cup of the sludge they called coffee, grimacing after taking a sip. He swallowed it just the same, knowing there wasn´t anything better in the cafeteria.

He shook his head in disgust, thinking about all the things that Clark had just revealed to him. The damage that some parents caused in the name of love or good intentions was enough to make him want to quit his job sometimes. He´d seen it all at this place; people who were victims of physical and mental abuse, yet somehow, human nature continued to surprise him with its resilience. Listening to Clark defend his father´s actions had not come as a shock. He´d stood over countless victims who were battered and broken, who continued to defend the person that had caused the injury, thinking somehow that they deserved it. And why was it always the beautiful ones that seemed especially susceptible? He snorted out a frustrated laugh, trying to shake off this depression that snuck up on him suddenly.

He couldn´t get over the fact that Clark´s father had arbitrarily decided not to put him on medication for the attention deficit. Even though it wasn´t a cure, it offered relief, helping people to focus and function in a world many considered overwhelming. The fact that Clark had been able to get this far without the drugs spoke volumes of his tenacity, but at what price? He was obviously very fragile with regards to his mental ability; clearly impressed when he´d heard that Jody had gone to Stanford.

This made him even more appealing; the combination of beauty and need an irresistible pull. Jody had never been able to say no to anyone who needed his help, but he wondered if he was making a big mistake in offering to tutor Clark. He knew that he wanted him; he was honest enough to admit that. The man had been on his mind ever since they first met; the physical attraction powerful and gripping. The icing on the cake was this new development. Now he was even more attracted, the healer in him galloping to the rescue.

Lil would argue that it was more than that. He would tell him to walk away, to not open his heart again to another lost cause, yet Jody knew he was being sucked in, as sure as he knew that Clark had more baggage than he could handle. Being a closet case was bad enough. The fact that Clark was a jock, enmeshed in the world of sports, was even worse! Adding the ADD and his insecurity to the mix was a recipe for disaster. Lil would probably go through the roof!

They´d both seen friends crash and burn whenever they were forced out of the closet. No amount of convincing or support would help. It was a personal decision that every gay man had to deal with at some point in their life. Somehow though, Jody didn´t think that Clark was anywhere close to dealing with his internal struggles. He wondered if he ever would be.

The phone rang, snapping him out of his melancholia, the business of patching up broken bodies grounding him again. He spoke into the receiver, telling whoever was on the other line that he´d be there in five minutes.